It’s amazing how little one blogs when one is not sitting in front of a computer at a day job for 11 hours straight.

Thanks to some issues with the telecine process, the Student Films section has been delayed. Being super-OCD — or is it just being a super-procrastinator? — and for some reason holding these old movies I did 10+ years ago in higher esteem than is warranted, I was very concerned with getting these things online in perfect shape.

This, of course, goes against the spirit in which they were originally made, and in terms of time spent, was a poor way to approach the process. In any case, after spending far too many hours between my apartment and Burbank, and having certain parts of these movies transferred multiple times, I’ve somewhat stopped giving a shit about them. Not that I’m no longer excited to present them here for the five people that will watch them — I am — but I’ve got more important things to do.

Which brings me around to what I think is going to be a pretty regular feature for the immediate future: The Purpose Thing Update [things i'm learning mix].

1. Opportunity.
I always thought the notion that putting good energy into the world brings you opportunity was a lot of hippie commie pinko bullshit. Well, not surprisingly, that sort of rigid thinking wasn’t only symptomatic of the larger problems I’ve been having, it was also wrong. Within a week of quitting my gig, a random opportunity found me. Don’t know if anything is going to come of it yet, but still excited at the old people I’m reconnecting with because of it, and the lessons I’m learning trying to turn the chance into something concrete.

2. Momentum.
A moving object tends to stay in motion, and an object at rest tends to stay at rest. Known this since 8th grade, but sometimes it is hard to see in one’s own life. You get up and work at what you want to improve at every single day, and you will wire yourself to do that thing. You won’t have to try to listen to music to force it (though music helps; see below), and you won’t spend a couple hours reading news on Obama, watching Internet porn, or finding old friends on Facebook. (With two computer monitors, one can actually do all three of these things at the same time.)

3. Permission.
This is key, and for me one of the biggest hurdles. Don’t overthink. Don’t force every single step to be perfect before moving on to the next. Just do. Let it be good, let it be bad — just let it be you. Yes, I know the cynics will say that doing this will just result in mediocre work. To that I say, Yes. Yes It Will. But mediocre work gets revised and becomes better work, and it is only after doing a lot of mediocre work that one can do good work. (I’m suspecting the same also applies in the transition from good work to great work, but can’t comment from first-hand experience yet.) Most creative voices get stymied right at the beginning, by one’s own internal censor (there’s a reason “The Censor” was the working title for the Uneasy Lies the Head EP, btw).

You pretty much gotta say Fuck It, and just do your own thing. Not surprisingly, not only does this seem to let one discover their own voice, it also reduces one’s overall stress level.

Unfortunately, this item doesn’t seem to be an off/on switch. It seems to be like quitting smoking; something that’s always going to be with you, gnawing at the back of your brain, so you need to be vigilant and beat it back whenever it tries to grab the controls.

4. Acceptance.
I’m not that fancy when it comes to music. I like a ton of different stuff, but when it comes to stuff that gets me in the right headspace to work, it comes down to Guns N’ Roses and Nine Inch Nails. It’s been that way since junior high, when I’d do my math homework to “It’s So Easy” blasting out of my speakers. In different times I’ve thought that maybe I wasn’t as fancy as I should have been, so I’ve tried to elevate the level of my creative game by writing, editing, etc. to Miles Davis. David Bowie. Bob Dylan. Arcade Fire. Music I like to listen to, yes, but that is also seen as objectively “good”. Smart people’s music.

Guess what? Doesn’t work. Keeps me focusing more on the music than whatever it is I’m working on. And outside influences can’t raise the level of your game if they keep you on the bench. Pretty Hate Machine and Appetite For Destruction work? Awesome. Cue em up and move on.

5. Less Talky, More Do-ey.
I’ve planned great things for decades without doing a single one. I’m not just an amateur at this; I’m a fucking Nobel Prize winning laureate at Talking Without Follow-Through.

That’s bullshit.

Better to actually do mediocre things then plan great ones that never happen. (This is a corollary to “Permission” I suppose.) Part of striking down this pattern will be getting the first L’orangerie Stank show off the ground. Something that is now in place in terms of gear and people involved. Songs are being written… but this is turning into talking and not doing. A laundry list of progress steps isn’t the same as doing.

So let’s just set the goal and meet it. First show will happen by April 1. Done.

(Incidentally, if anybody wants to suggest songs that they think The Stank should play, feel free to comment below.)

5. Pay Attenion.
Work is awaitin’ and I’ve got to get going, but if you really don’t know what else to do with your Internet time, go watch your new President.

I must say, I was a little surprised this week. Having a POTUS who actually seems to be the same person that ran, and follows through with his campaign pledges… well, it’s a little new to me. Gonna take some time to get used to.

As a corollary to my post the other night, I felt the need to comment on just how easy it is for one to concentrate on one’s past.

It’s like comfort food; the Mac n’ Cheese or Taco Bell of the emotional psyche.  It is so much easier to look backward, opine on one’s own mistakes, regrets, could have beens, and all of that sort.  It’s easy because there’s jack shit you can do about it, but you can pat yourself on the back for finally having figured out that You Were Wrong, or The Thing You Could Have Done That Would Have Made Things Better, or The Reason You Were An Asshole (See, It Wasn’t Really Your Fault! mix).

These mental labyrinths are quite a fun distraction, but ultimately they mean neither jack nor shit.  It’s one thing to be self-aware and to self-examine, but if one does nothing with that moving forward, it’s nothing but self-indulgent masturbation (much like, one could argue, this blog entry is).  It’s the reason we like to listen to songs from our past and relive The Good Old Days (which usually weren’t really that good).  Yes, there is a value there, but if you spend too much time you are just avoiding reality by wrapping yourself into the gauzy folds of recollection.

It all comes down to moving forward, doesn’t it?  All the opinions in the world about one’s own past are meaningless because the past is just that — past.  The best that can be gleaned is the lessons of non-indulgent reflection, and then use those lessons learned moving forward.

And there’s the rub.  Moving forward is hard.  Moving forward is difficult.  And moving forward with self-awareness and insight… well that’s just a motherfucking responsibility.

I suppose this is why so many of us in this modern generation of Post-X-But-Generation-Y-Seems-Like-Made-Up-Bullshit find ourselves in such a bind in our thirties.  We gorge in our twenties — on experience, life, sex, love — searching for meaning and purpose, and then we get to the next decade and realize that that purpose thing we were searching for, is something we need to make  for ourselves.

A lot of us have gotten jumpstarts lately.  This guy gave a lot of us an opportunity to make something, and that movement that we created is now turning into this movement.  Pretty exciting stuff.  It felt great.  But the lesson there, of course, isn’t that some guy did this cool thing.  The lesson here is that we — individuals all across the world — became engaged and did this cool thing.  And that owning your own destiny can feel pretty damn good.

Which brings me to my long-winded final point; the basic concept that moving forward, as difficult as budging that inertia-bound rock from zero may be, is the only real way to feel contentment.  At least that’s been my experience.  Trapping yourself in looking backward is a direct route to misery.

I have a friend who has been doing this lately; he and I have forged a strong friendship over mutually doing this, in fact.  But lately, it’s been rubbing me the wrong way.  Like most people, I am excellent at seeing my own foibles in others, and of course when others do them it makes me morally outraged.

And that’s the lesson for me.  Yes, a quick glance in the rearview mirror is good.  It will let you know whether this turn, or that lane change, is a good idea.

But if you just stare in it too long, you’ll never see what’s coming at you.