So, it really is true — when one is spending all day trying to write stories, updating a blog seems like the last thing you’d want to do.

Basically, I’m writing fiction instead of the blog right now. Which is good because that’s what the whole Purpose Thing shebang is about, but it makes this stop on the intertubes pretty quiet.

So, um, to all four of you that read this: I’m on Twitter. That’s the best place to see me (periodically) give status updates as to what the hell I am up to.

Anyway, the latest:

1. The TV Pilot my buddy Oren and I finished came out pretty decently given that it’s a new ballgame for me. Feedback has generally been quite positive. The problem is the concept – it’s not not very marketable (which we knew going in) so in the meantime I’m having some peeps I know through my last job check it out, and it’s served as a good awakening to the fact that I Like Writing Television. Who knew? After I finish the feature I’m working on I think I’m going to write a spec TV episode or two to have as samples, and the play may indeed trying to get work that way.

Riveting information, I know.

2. The Feature. It’s got a title, I haven’t gotten bored with the idea, and I’m refining the outline as we speak. Will have the detailed outline ready by end of day Saturday, and it should take about 12-14 days to write. Praying for end of April for first draft, but likely right thereafter.

It’s pretty dark, very indie, and the more I think about it the more it seems like something I should make. Not something that would sell (least not for much anyway). Only 5 main characters and the performances will make or break it. So in addition to the TV thang, I’m realizing I need to direct a feature. Even if it is for no money and doesn’t turn out so great, filmmaking was always the goal, it will continue to be the goal, and even sitting around writing all day – while essential to the overall process – will eventually feel like masturbation just on its own.

Wes Craven has become a touchstone in terms of Fuck Yeah This Is Doable-ness for me. Doesn’t hurt that he made one of my most favorite films of all time, but the guy didn’t even get really going until his late thirties. Dunno why, but I’m really feeling that big 3-4 I’m going to turn this year, and success later in life like Craven’s makes me feel alright.

3. New music is afoot (no, really!). Not L’orangerie Stank… originals. Several new songs written, one in the process of being recorded. I don’t know if I will call this project Uneasy Lies the Head – that names carries some baggage in my head since we could never get a live show going and whatnot – but whatever happens the older ULTH songs will be incorporated. And on Angelman’s previous advice (which was backed up by Trent Reznor no less) the plan is to add some new tunes to the previous selections available here and put an EP out on iTunes.

Why? Cause.

4. And lastly… the girlfriend and I have decided to go vegetarian. “Big fucking deal”, most of you are probably saying (or perhaps “Vegetarian’s for pussies; Vegan is where it’s at”). In any case, for us it was a pretty big decision — I’ve historically been a huge whore for bacon, steak, chicken, shrimp, etc. But, I have grown tired of the food hangover I now associate with meat products… and though I’m somewhat loathe to admit it (the denial mechanism that lets you enjoy meat products runs pretty deep), the animal cruelty aspect has been gnawing at me for a bit now.

So, this is Day Two of me as a Vegetarian. I’ve been craving a Salami sandwich from Larchmont Wine & Cheese all day (if you do eat meat, this is the best sandwich in Los Angeles). The craving sucks, but what are you gonna do. Gonna tame it with a little veggieburger action and a trip to Costco.

Which reminds me, the lady and I will also need to stop at the market. I need to pick up some Bacon Salt.

One thing I’m quickly discovering is that maintaining a blog is quite difficult when you are not stuck in front of a computer all day long wishing you were doing something other than what you are actually doing.

At a desk job?  Taking phone calls/placing phone calls/redrafting contracts/sending out contracts?  Don’t really feel that these things are the end-all, be-all to your life?  You’ll find yourself with PLENTY of time on your hands to blog.

But, say you’re on vacation… or you finally find yourself with the time to unpack since your move over a month ago… or you realize you have the time to catch up on the many movies you’ve recently missed (Milk is amazing; Slumdog Millionaire is a beautiful romantic’s fairy tale; The Wrestler is the most depressing and infuriating movie this year — with one of the most compelling performances since I don’t know when; Revolutionary Road, Che, and Benjamin Button are on deck as soon as possible)… well in those cases, you will find that you’re not really called back to the keyboard to engage in the blog of it all as you may normally be.

Which, of course, is going to make the coming months rather interesting on this website.

In any case, here’s the latest and greatest:

• Phase Two is now underway in regards to getting the Student Films Section online.  That’ll be done… well, as soon as the kind folks at the telecine shop can get the job done.  Going for the “unscheduled” option, with a four week completion timeframe, seemed the best choice given it saved me 20%.
• I’m currently moving a Nine Inch Nails satire website I wrote on with some friends a few years back called Wearing These Chains over to its new home (the home in training is here, with lots of things not working yet (sorry), but the old home is still here — for now).  TypePad is an expensive mofo, and moving over to MovableType is a pain in the ass.  Thanks, SixApart.  Your total and absolute lack of help and foresight in easing this transition between your two lines of products has been super helpful.  It certainly hasn’t encouraged me to stick with WordPress on any other future endeavors.  Nope, nuh-uh, not in the slightest.
• My last day at my current gig will be either this coming Friday, or sometime in the following week.  No job.  No backup plan.  Just me and some ideas.  It’s gonna be a ride.

Oh, and I seem to have a cold.  Not like you gave a shit, but hey — why not throw it in.

Now I am off to go through a bunch of unmarked VHS tapes to see if I can throw them away or not.  With this exciting task ahead of me, is it any surprise I suddenly found myself blogging?

I didn’t think so.

As a corollary to my post the other night, I felt the need to comment on just how easy it is for one to concentrate on one’s past.

It’s like comfort food; the Mac n’ Cheese or Taco Bell of the emotional psyche.  It is so much easier to look backward, opine on one’s own mistakes, regrets, could have beens, and all of that sort.  It’s easy because there’s jack shit you can do about it, but you can pat yourself on the back for finally having figured out that You Were Wrong, or The Thing You Could Have Done That Would Have Made Things Better, or The Reason You Were An Asshole (See, It Wasn’t Really Your Fault! mix).

These mental labyrinths are quite a fun distraction, but ultimately they mean neither jack nor shit.  It’s one thing to be self-aware and to self-examine, but if one does nothing with that moving forward, it’s nothing but self-indulgent masturbation (much like, one could argue, this blog entry is).  It’s the reason we like to listen to songs from our past and relive The Good Old Days (which usually weren’t really that good).  Yes, there is a value there, but if you spend too much time you are just avoiding reality by wrapping yourself into the gauzy folds of recollection.

It all comes down to moving forward, doesn’t it?  All the opinions in the world about one’s own past are meaningless because the past is just that — past.  The best that can be gleaned is the lessons of non-indulgent reflection, and then use those lessons learned moving forward.

And there’s the rub.  Moving forward is hard.  Moving forward is difficult.  And moving forward with self-awareness and insight… well that’s just a motherfucking responsibility.

I suppose this is why so many of us in this modern generation of Post-X-But-Generation-Y-Seems-Like-Made-Up-Bullshit find ourselves in such a bind in our thirties.  We gorge in our twenties — on experience, life, sex, love — searching for meaning and purpose, and then we get to the next decade and realize that that purpose thing we were searching for, is something we need to make  for ourselves.

A lot of us have gotten jumpstarts lately.  This guy gave a lot of us an opportunity to make something, and that movement that we created is now turning into this movement.  Pretty exciting stuff.  It felt great.  But the lesson there, of course, isn’t that some guy did this cool thing.  The lesson here is that we — individuals all across the world — became engaged and did this cool thing.  And that owning your own destiny can feel pretty damn good.

Which brings me to my long-winded final point; the basic concept that moving forward, as difficult as budging that inertia-bound rock from zero may be, is the only real way to feel contentment.  At least that’s been my experience.  Trapping yourself in looking backward is a direct route to misery.

I have a friend who has been doing this lately; he and I have forged a strong friendship over mutually doing this, in fact.  But lately, it’s been rubbing me the wrong way.  Like most people, I am excellent at seeing my own foibles in others, and of course when others do them it makes me morally outraged.

And that’s the lesson for me.  Yes, a quick glance in the rearview mirror is good.  It will let you know whether this turn, or that lane change, is a good idea.

But if you just stare in it too long, you’ll never see what’s coming at you.

It’s sometime after 4 in the morning. My girlfriend is in the bedroom asleep; I’ve been in the office working for the past 6 hours trying to transfer an old blog from Typepad.

From outside the window, the sounds of a helicopter chopping through the night sky. This is definitely a noisier part of town compared to my old place; touches of college and the old place I had at Hollywood and La Brea.

I’ve been listening to Walking Wounded, by Everything But The Girl. An ex-girlfriend (more of an ex-lover, if I were to be honest — I wasn’t really engaging in any boyfriending at the time) gave me the CD when we were doing whatever it was you would call what we were doing, along with Jeff Buckley’s Grace. She’d said the two CDs explained how she felt about our relationship.

I’d never listened to the Everything But The Girl record until tonight. Not that it would have made a difference; I don’t think I would have been unable to understand her point back then, anyway.

I understand it now.

Very late at night — or very early in the morning — are lousy times for regret or recollection.

Best to turn in.